Relationships can always be improved when we make it work. I strongly believe it's always worth a try. Let's continue from where we stopped last week . . .
Resolving Issues in Your Relationship
I've already told you how to go about identifying what the issues are. You have communicated your feelings to yourself, and have identified what the real issues are. Now it's time to talk with your partner.
Let them know their actions (intentional or unintentional) have caused you pain. Don't accuse them of anything. Just state how their attitude made you feel. You have to take ownership of your feelings rather than placing all responsibility on their attitude.
Got that?
While you are communicating with your partner, lay emphasis on how you feel when they do what they do. Don't start with, "why are you always doing this and that" or "you always do this and that. Start with, "I feel this way when you do this and that".
You and your partner may not have the same feelings or the same perspective on the situation. So don't expect them to agree with you totally. Remember you can't have everything your way or have everything as you like. You may have to negotiate.
Yeah. Relationship survives on compromise. As long as God's standards are untampered with, there's room for compromise and negotiation.
Lemme give you a couple of personal examples:
Dialogue 1: Sitting Together
Me: I feel lonely when you don't sit close to me and ignore me at the meeting.
Him: Huh? Baby, I don't see why we should sit together at the meeting. We can discuss with other people when we stay separately, and then gist about everything later na.
Me: Hmm. . . OK. How about we sit together for the first ten minutes, and then you can change your seat? At least I'd know we are still together.
Him: That's cool.
Him: Huh? Baby, I don't see why we should sit together at the meeting. We can discuss with other people when we stay separately, and then gist about everything later na.
Me: Hmm. . . OK. How about we sit together for the first ten minutes, and then you can change your seat? At least I'd know we are still together.
Him: That's cool.
Dialogue 2: Pre-Informing
Him: Baby, where have you been? You didn't tell me you'd be offline all day.
Me: Sorry. I needed to sort some things out.
Him: I feel unwanted, more like you're avoiding me when you leave like that. Please let me know when you will be sorting things out again.
Me: *laughs* I know you missed me. I missed you too jhorr. OK, I promise to always let you know when I will not be available.
Him: I feel unwanted, more like you're avoiding me when you leave like that. Please let me know when you will be sorting things out again.
Me: *laughs* I know you missed me. I missed you too jhorr. OK, I promise to always let you know when I will not be available.
You see how having a dialogue and negotiating work, right? When you identify how their behaviour makes you feel, you will not accuse, blame or condemn them. You will be taking responsibility of your own feelings. It works for me, it can work for you too. :)
Relationships are a constant negotiation and balance.
~ Claire Danes
To a healthy resolution of issues . . . cheers!
If you have ideas or suggestions for negotiating with your partner, let’s discuss them in the comments section.
If you have ideas or suggestions for negotiating with your partner, let’s discuss them in the comments section.
Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu
Follow on Twitter: @Amakamedia
Email: amakamedia@yahoo.com
Heart Rays . . .giving out the light.
